Eileene Coscolluela: What it Means to Be a "Big"
Being a first generation American, my parents brought with them a great deal of expectations for me. They both grew up very poor in the Philippines but, through a powerful work ethic, became very successful; successful enough to bring their children to the U.S. Attached to their work ethic were strong social mores - a woman should be quiet, obedient, and prim. I was supposed to be a doctor and marry a nice Filipino husband with my parents' approval. This ran counter to American culture of outspoken individuality. Breaking through that shell took a long time and a lot of growing up on both our parts. Growing up as a first generation American was difficult. Most of my classmates and community saw me as a foreigner, an extremely visible minority in a predominantly Caucasian New Jersey suburb. When I visited the Philippines, I was seen an American, someone who not just left the islands physically, but culturally as well. I became "not Filipino enough". I was stuck in the middle between two vastly different cultures, and I had to grow up and find my comfort zone between both of them. Typically, my meetings with Rakshinda, who is of Indian background, have been periods when I am exposing her to new things (like new types of cuisine such as squid). But, I get a lot out of the experience as well. For instance, I told Rakshinda that I've never really been to a good Indian restaurant that had food that would appeal to my tastebuds (not too spicy and no curry). So, she took me to Jackson Heights in Queens which is an Indian haven. The restaurant that she selected was so fabulous that I've returned there with my husband. But eating wasn't all that we did. We went to an Indian salon and I bought a beautiful salwar, which is a traditional Indian outfit. I'm planning to wear that salwar to Rakshinda's sixteenth birthday party. Rakshinda has exposed me to Hindi music, which I enjoyed immensely. This is something I would have never experienced had I not met Rakshinda through Big Brother Big Sister.